Friday, August 20, 2010

All He Had to Give

Crimson roses adorned her bouquet, complementing her snow white gown to perfection. Her hair cascaded down her bare shoulders with an enviable sheen and the diamonds she wore were a colorful play of light.

Her reflection stood in stark contrast to all her bridal finery. Her deep, hazel eyes were an abyss of mystery. To another it would seem like her eyes gleamed with excitement.
Only the girl in the mirror spoke otherwise, shrouded in gloom, with her tears being her only jewels, as they sparkled their way down her face.

The old clock on the wall chimed and she lowered her veil. The time had come.

As she turned to have one last glance in the mirror, to make sure her mask of happiness was in place, she sent up a silent prayer to be freed from the onslaught of her thoughts.

Her resignation to Fate made the heavens grieve.


There he stood, watching from afar as she paused on the marble steps. Bridesmaids jostled about her, setting her trail, positioning her bouquet right and smoothing the creases on her dress. Her father stood to her right beaming with pride at the thought of walking his daughter down the aisle.

There he stood, watching from afar, with a beating heart and undying hope - just a tiny speck of insignificance on her big day.

The constant fuss and murmur around unnerved her. As she walked past the sea of distant faces, her eyes found his and they were caught up in a swirling hurricane of emotions. He tore his gaze away from hers for he saw what no one else could - the sparkling tear that escaped her eye, her reluctant step and her short, uneven breaths. Her bridal finery could not conceal from him the turmoil she was facing within.

As she walked past him, the broken shards of their dreams cut deep into her soles and shattered hopes paved the way to the altar where their love would be sacrificed.

She flinched and he felt her pain.


"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" asked the Priest. Having been witness to numerous wedding vows being taken, he was oblivious to the silent tragedy being played out before him. She bent her head, afraid to meet the Priest's gaze, lest her heart make its grief known through her eyes.

From a hundred feet away, her faint “I do.” wrenched his heart. Rituals performed thereafter were a blur but the glistening gold band slipped onto her finger, by the stranger beside her, cemented the divide between two selfless souls.


He watched from afar as she stepped over the threshold into a life of wedded bliss. Tears streamed down her parents' faces, tears of joy, as they watched their dream being fulfilled before their eyes. Her stiff, resistant demeanor was evident as she was enveloped in congratulatory hugs.

From a distance, her eyes bore into his but he questioned her in silence.
How could they have built their future on the ruins of her family's dreams? Would they have really been happy if they did?

They could not have. They would not have. She lowered her eyes in acceptance.
Loosening his heart's strings, he let her by into the unknown.

As the moon took to the skies, the trees swayed dolefully to the rhythm of the winds. He stood on those marble steps, bathed in the pale moonlight on that quiet night. In the journey called life, he had taken his beating and gave all he had to give.

His resignation to Fate made the heavens grieve.


As we move through life's convoluted plot, Love sets out with faith in the unknown. Some love stories, as such, get thwarted by ancient beliefs, a few get trapped within primeval boundaries and still more, are subject to a life of age-old traditions.
Though undoubtedly powerful, these love stories are never meant to be told, never meant to see the light of day and are never meant to have a happy ending.

As we enact our parts in a scripted destiny, we come to realize that unconditional love is only embraced by the brave-hearted.

For, it takes only the power of Love...true, unconditional die and let live.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Yours...and Mine

Your love was a mirage
A mystery that caught my eye
Shimmering in the distance
Untouchable, but oh, how I tried!

Your love adorned the fabric
Of well-knit hopes and dreams
When the threads began unraveling
It tore me apart at the seams

My love was blind
Precariously treading a thin line
Destruction was heading my way
Couldn’t redeem my heart in time.

My love plunged into the depths of your silence
Only to surface empty handed,
The colors on the horizon fade into oblivion
Realization has me stranded.

Stumbling against the walls of my memories,
Sending love crashing to the floor
You left without a second glance
And pain walked in through that open door.

My life hangs in balance as I watch the pendulum sway
Love equals nothing,
Nothing but contorted illusions each day

Strange is our love, making us strangers in time.
Strange was our love, a love once yours… and mine.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Love's labor lost.

Scanning a dictionary with words swimming through the yellow tint of the worn out pages, one word catches my eye and sends remorse coursing through my veins.

One word which encapsulates my life’s entire being.
One word that is apt to be my epitaph.

Definition: Rendered inoperative, Injured

"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." – Anonymous
Despite the warning, I set off on the war path…

The Opponent:

Sparkling eyes, a charming smile, an overwhelming aura.
He was the angel I once thought heaven sent for me.
He was the sun that I believed shone only for me.

The Weapons & the Blows:

A silence that conveyed volumes, shattered by the noise of the truth.
A trust that defied reason, betrayed with such brutality.
A love that rebelled against logic, maimed by ruthlessness.
A fragile heart surrendered in hope, damaged beyond repair.

My walls came crashing down leaving me defenseless against the blows that were yet to come. Hanging on with a faint pulse of doubt, a brain numbed of its senses, eyes blinded by sorrow and a life devoid of any spirit, Love blew me away and here I lie in ruins…

The Post-War Trauma:

Only survivors know just how incapacitating love can be. An emotion so potent can bring about nothing but devastation.

Like the water that threatens to gush forth, swallowing everything in its wake, like the night that creeps up, engulfing all in its never ending enormity, I regained consciousness only to find myself with nothing but a glimpse of heaven and a maimed love.

The dawn of every morning now finds me anticipating the worst as dread looms large on the horizon.

Happy and sad, laughing and crying, victorious and defeated, physically able and emotionally disabled, in a crowd and still alone...the two faces of one person.

The world seems to zoom past me, while I stand rooted in the past clutching onto a future that will never be.

Suddenly I’ve become my best company, harboring the assumption that every kind act disguises a sinister motive. Happy people come across as notorious. You guessed right. Cynicism now makes up for all the lost time.

My tears have a new found flamboyance. They showcase their shimmering best, no longer wary of the presence of an audience.

Grief, despair, tears, agony, etc., are all synonyms for solace…English really is a funny language.

Life is a weary, uphill climb...and they have the audacity to sing ‘ain’t no mountain high enough’.
Their climb was definitely not steep enough!

Life’s screenplay has become taxing; wringing me dry of any emotion and making me want to skip right through to ‘The End’.

Looking out the window at the setting sun, a sun setting on me, no longer in the skies just for me, realization dawns with stealth that my angel was never sent for me.
That glimpse of heaven was never meant to be, as a maimed love has come to be my identity.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

To a Trash Magnet....with love

I was not really on a mission to clean the world. Yanked out of my comfort zone, I was dropped in the middle of Nowhere*, left wondering why I was singled out and bestowed with the ‘honor’ of being a Trash Magnet. After years of unwilling endurance, I met a fellow Trash Hero who showed me that life was not hard to get by with a pocketful of sunshine despite the truckloads of trash.

To that hero: It’s been an absolute pleasure to have met you Srinidhi Raghavan. You are the best present I never asked for but God knew I needed.

Waiting at the bus stop everyday, hordes of people pass me by and it’s startling to see how each one is a strange extension of the other...
...and then YOU come along...
A little head bobs out of a bus and there’s no need to look twice. In the everyday grey, a riot of colors is not hard to miss – you are just that. In a hop, you’re off and the spring in your step is contagious enough to make me bounce as well!! Would you believe it? Me…bouncing?!

You came into my shell and made yourself comfortable. In time, you cemented a little corner for yourself; a corner that would come to be my reservoir of happiness. Together with you, an insane joyride had only just begun.

Your chatter lended an adorable chime to the daily drone. With a smile that spread from ear to ear, you warmed everything you touched, like the first rays of the sun. It’s wonderful being at the receiving end of a heart that's so full of unconditional love.

There may be differences that put us on two planes, but getting to know you has reflected a similar core. I’m glad you’re someone who is only too happy to share my nothingness; silence has been my all time favorite conversation with you – nobody understands better.
The one time I truly loved – my love story was and still might be a disaster in slow motion. Through it all, your support has meant the world to me.

You’re moving on to clear up another part of Nowhere*, but you're leaving me with so much; a delightfully colored vocabulary, an eagerness to see what hell's like, a newly renovated and welcoming pit... We don't need to be lauded for battling life's trash; its now second nature.
This post is only my attempt at stringing together all that you have come to mean to me – my attempt at ‘Thank You’ for being a friend.

Summing up, with a beautiful song:
"You just call out my name and you know wherever i am, I'll come running to see you again. Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, all you gotta do is call. I'll be there, yes i will.
You've got a friend."